Fan World - A Brutal Truth

When life gets too exhausting and painful, we often find ways to ease the burden. Whether through music, creating arts and crafts, writing, cooking, learning new things, and being a fan. These are all outlets we use to escape life's tragic and brutal reality. Every now and then, we deserve a break from all the struggles and heartaches, and maybe some semblance of happiness. SB19 has been an escape and salvation for many people from different walks of life. Their story and music provide a safe haven that eventually creates a community where everyone shares the same love for these five beautiful humans.

Their songs uplift us, prevent us from drowning in sorrow and agony, and give our lives more color and meaning. It's only natural for us to feel drawn to them and to love them with all our hearts. But as the saying goes, anything that's too much is bad. With everything that I've been through in life, I have developed an uneasy feeling when interacting with strangers. My survival instinct became a default state of mind, and when I discovered SB19, I was afraid to enter the fandom. Fortunately, I was welcomed by good people who made me feel that I belong and that I am not alone. However, things have been chaotic lately.

I realized that the social media community that SB19 created is not impervious to toxicity and negativity. As a person who is highly interested in the human psyche, I have been doing bits of research about different mental conditions, and it became natural for me to study people's behaviors. I've heard many unbelievable things that people with unstable minds have done, which I thought may have been greatly exaggerated. As I venture further into the "stan world", I realized that everything I'd discovered so far was real. There are some concerning things I will discuss in this article, and if you are not comfortable, please save yourself and don't go any further.

1. Obsession: Love, they say is the most beautiful thing. It will allow you to become someone you thought you would never be. It will give you the strength to keep going despite all the heartbreaks and will give you unbridled happiness. But in the stan world, people have blurred the boundaries between love and obsession. So, what is obsession? According to Merriam-Webster obsession is a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling. In layman's terms, obsession is everything too much. People who commonly develop obsessions have unstable minds. They are those who could not or would not cope with the reality of life and allowed themselves to be overly focused on someone or something. This is the root of stalker behavior. A dangerous phenomenon that often leads to the destruction of another person or of oneself. HealthLine talked about Obsessive Love Disorder, which refers to a person who develops an obsession with another person he thinks he is in love with. This kind of love would drive a person to be overly protective, and worse controlling of their loved ones. Some symptoms they listed are extreme jealousy, possessive thoughts and actions, and the need to protect the people we love.
2. Possessiveness: According to Psychologs, it is a natural human behavior to be possessive to some extent. Any person has the need to possess something and protect his belongings, up to a point. When this turns into the urge to control a person, detach them from the world, and own their whole attention, that's when it gets dangerous. Jealousy, clinginess, controlling behavior, and insecurity are some attributes that refer to possessiveness. Lack of confidence and low self-esteem are the common root cause of such behavior. This is when you are in a relationship and your partner forbids you from having friends, or any form of social life. Their constant need for your attention, and the never-ending accusations.
3. Erotomania or de Clérambault’s Syndrome: According to BMC Psychiatry, this is a delusional belief that someone, commonly of high life status, is in love with you. It is considered a delusional disorder that has taken the lives of innocent victims who only wanted to have peaceful long lives. Although not as common as other mental illnesses, erotomania is dangerous and almost impossible to control. When an erotomanic finds the object of their affection, there's often nothing anyone can do about it. This condition is commonly found in people with low self-esteem who lack sexual experience.

Why do I have to mention and explain these mental conditions?

In my seven months as a fan of SB19, I have witnessed some concerning behaviors from fans who probably think that what they do is still normal. In light of recent issues, I have witnessed fans with obsessive and possessive traits airing unreasonable demands and complaints, especially about how the boys live their lives. Even though they have consistently claimed that they are not in any romantic relationship, some fans are unknowingly showing signs of the three conditions I have listed above. Let this be a reminder that being a fan does not equate to being a part of an idol's personal life.

The Top Tens listed ten famous people who were murdered by their own fans. First on their list is John Lennon who was murdered by a fan-turned-hater, Mark David Chapman. He was reportedly enraged by Lennon's statement of being more famous than Jesus. Christina Grimmie was second on the list. She was killed by an obsessed, probably erotomanic fan, Kevin James Loibl. Third was Dimebag Darrell who was killed by a fan named Nathan Gale, who reportedly blamed Dime for the breakup of his band Panthera. And there's Rebecca Schaeffer who was killed by Robert John Bardo, who was an obsessed fan and her stalker for three years. Who could forget Selena? A promising young singer with a beautiful smile was killed by someone she trusted, a fan who she treated as a friend.

What's the point of all this?

As a fan, when you feel like your thoughts and life are starting to revolve around your idol, assess yourself. Find other things to focus your attention on. Have a life outside the stan world. Meet new friends, learn something new, and enjoy the warmth of the sun in your face. There is a world outside social media. It may be chaotic and brutal, but it is still beautiful. You simply have to see the beauty of it. Your love for your idol must not destroy your grasp of reality. It should inspire you to be a better version of yourself. Look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, what have you done lately aside from being a fan. Life is too short to focus on just one thing alone. Explore and find yourself. Be truly happy.