ILAW

There are a lot of us out there who are struggling right now. People who are silently praying that someone, anyone would hear their cries. Nobody is immune to heartaches and pain, and most of the times, we choose to hurt in silence. Why? Because nobody cares, not really. They would sympathize with you, make you feel like they know your pain, but the truth is, they have their own lives to worry about. Some of them don't even want to know how you're doing. They just want some gossip.

This world has an unrealistic expectation from us. It wants us to just smile and take its beating. It expects us to remain standing despite all the storms it will throw at us. What's worse is people would do the same to you. They don't want to see the real you. They want the version of you that fits their expectations and standards. No matter how loud you scream at them, they won't listen because all they want is for you to be way they want you to be. SB19 captured this raw struggle and makes us feel that we are not alone inside that dark tunnel called life. 

Kanina ay nahuli ang aking sarili

Nakangiti na naman at nagkukubli

Ng tunay na kailanman ay 'di ko maipagsasabi

Na naman, na naman

At pagdating sa'king tahanan ay hindi

Ko na naman mahanap aking susi

Saang lupalop ko ba 'to naitabi?

Pasintabi na naman, na naman

People who are struggling silently oftentimes don't want to come home. They would do everything they can to stay out for as long as possible, because instead of peace, at home is where they would feel most alone. It shouldn't feel like that, but for many, it is. Make no mistake, something like this don't just happen to people who live by themselves. Even those who live with their families and loved ones can feel alone. It's when you are hurting, but the people around you are oblivious to your pain, especially when they are the ones who caused it.

Nalilito, nahihilo na sa inyo

Nasaan na nga ba ang sarili kong pagkatao?

Many times in our life, people would do everything they can to turn us into someone we are not. First, they will make us believe that doing what they want is what's best for us, then if didn't work, they would guilt trip us. They will blame us for every bad thing until we finally give in to what they want. If that still didn't work, they will hurt us by either ignoring us, or making us feel that we are the worse person in the world.

Sino ba'ng may tenga sa mga bulong ko?

Kahit pa 'ko'y sumigaw ay malabo

Oh, at tao po? Pakinggan niyo naman ako

Bakit 'di niyo subukang buksan ang bukas namang pinto?

Nang tuluyan nang makita niyo

Tunay na ako, 'di nagtatago

Sa likod ng bumubulag na ilaw na 'to

Life has its way of making us feel isolated. Whenever we try to reach out to somebody, there's something that would make us feel like there's nobody or nowhere to turn to. How could it not? This is the point when the people we trust the most would turn their backs on us. This is the time when those people we thought we could on would betray us. Life certainly has a way of making us feel like no matter how loud we scream, nobody would even care to listen, and it is paralyzing.

Napapamuni-muni sa kawalan ng huni

'Di mapapirmi aking sarili

Ilaw nga ang dahilan

Kung ako ngayo'y nasa'n man

Ngunit kailangan kong magpahinga

Patayin ang ilaw pansamantala, oh

Most of us would try to fight through everything alone. We would tell ourselves that everything is going to be okay, and we can survive through anything. Sometimes we can do it alone, but until when? When we feel like the world turned deaf from our suffering, it would seem like our only choice is to sunk deep into the darkness and allow our suffering to swallow us whole. This is when depression kicks in. We will start to detach ourselves from everyone and live in our own dark world. Others would act okay in front of people just so they wouldn't be anyone's problems. It is both physically and mentally exhausting.

Bakit gan'to? Inakalang magbabago

Kabayaran ba nito'y sarili ko'y maglalaho?

 One day, we would meet someone who would make us feel like we're not alone. We would hope that things would get better at that point, only to be hurt and disappointed in the end. Most of the times, it's because we've gotten used to being alone that we no longer care if people are around us or not. Other times, because we've been hurt countless times, we've become numb, and we no longer care about others. But the worse is when the person we thought we could finally trust betrayed us.

Heto na naman ako, patungo sa presinto

Mag-iisip ng kung ano-ano

Kailan ba'ng laya ko dito?

Heto na naman ako, oh

Pwede bang ipagpaliban muna ng isang linggo?

Pwede muna bang hinto?

Being in this kind of situation feels like being in prison. You don't know when you'll be set free, or if you would ever be free at all. Wherever you look, all you could see are four walls surrounding you and all you could feel is the cold bars separating you from true peace and happiness. There are many of who struggle with this condition. People who suffers in silence because they don't want to inconvenience us, or because they are afraid to be disappointed or betrayed. Perhaps they are embarrassed for they see their struggles as weakness. 

Papalapit na, ako'y papalapit na

Bigat sa yabag ng bawat hakbang nitong paa

Patungo sa lugar kung sa'n ayaw kong pumunta

Wala na bang iba? Wala na ba?

Patuloy ang aking paghahanap sa pag-asa

Ngunit walang saysay pa ang pagmamakaawa

Ano pa ba ang kabuluhan nitong aking paghinga? (Ahh)

There are many of us who feel like breathing is responsibility and not a privilege. It's a chore that they have to do because they don't want to disappoint anyone, so they live like a dead person roaming the earth. They no longer feel alive, numb from all the pain, and are simply waiting for the end to finally come. This is common for people who are in front of the public eye. Where we see prestige and glamour, they feel suffocated and blinded by all the lights around them. When we envy their lifestyle, they crave for ours.

We often forget that the people we see on our televisions are real. They have their own lives and imperfections. They struggle in their own way and hurt just like any of us, yet we expect so much from them. We are no different from the rest of the world. We demand so much from people, yet we are not willing to give as much. We want them to be perfect, even if it tears them apart. This world has lost its compassion and humanity and it has to stop. How many more lives must end because of how tragic life had become?